Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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