Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
