My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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