he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
