I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
