Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
