She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
