Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I touched a dick in church today
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
