they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
