dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Found the puke drawer
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
