I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
