So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I pour the whiskey from now on
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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