I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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