I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize