Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
