You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
