'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
