I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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