Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
