There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
