I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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