It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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