ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize