Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
