Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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