Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
