No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
