I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Come share oat with me in your robe
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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