There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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