absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Four minutes until I can fart!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
