Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
