Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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