everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
