North Korea, Best Korea!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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