Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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