he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize