I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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