i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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