thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
