Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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