I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
