You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
