He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
