i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
