My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
