I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize