I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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