Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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