my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
