you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
