Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
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