Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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