'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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