Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
