Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
