so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
