I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
