Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
