Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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