I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
did i walk over a car last night?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
