Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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