YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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