FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
