He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
