Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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