that's an acceptable place to lick
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
