Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
there is glitter all over my balls
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
