So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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