if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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