I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You have to summon your inner elephant
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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