you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize