You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
