how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
