as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
