I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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