benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
